Enjoying Twitter as much as I do I have pulled together of some of my favourite travel [related] jokes from some of the best Twitter joke providers. Nothing rude or offensive just funny old style humour.
I said to the baker, “How come all your cakes are 50p & that one’s £1?”
He said, “That’s Madeira cake”
2. Florida – (The Simpsons Ride at Universal Studios , Orlando )
I went to the doctors with hearing problems.
He said “Can u describe the symptoms?”
I said “Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair”
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
“My wife went to a bad concert in South East Asia!”
“Terrible, and so were the rest of the band!”
My cousin didn’t expect to like Cuba.
Turns out she’s Havana great time.
They should really paint the airport a different colour, it’s a little plane looking if you ask me.
I got caught smuggling twelve cases of Portuguese fortified wine in to the country.
Now I’m worried I might be de-ported.
My best mate just fainted on the London eye last night.
But it’s okay, he’s slowly coming around.
What do the Romans use to cut their pizzas?
When on safari why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
Start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move.
14. The Beach
What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time no sea.
Then he waved goodbye….
beach in Fuerteventura
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer.
I said ‘I want to sue the airline’
He replied ‘You don’t have much of a case’.
16. Florida – Walt Disney World
What did Snow White say to the PhotoPass photographer while she was waiting for her photographs to develop?
Some day my prints will come.
17. Beach holiday
A husband and wife were relaxing on the beach. Then the wife exclaimed: “Oh my God! I’ve just remembered I left the oven on!” The husband replied: “Don’t worry about it. I’ve just remembered I left the bath running.”
It was mealtime on a small budget airline. So the flight attendant asked one of the passengers: “Would you like dinner?” The passenger replied: “What are my choices?” The flight attendant answered: “Yes or no. All other options have been eliminated due to budget cuts
My flight was delayed in Houston. Since the gate was needed for another flight, our aircraft was backed away from the terminal, and we were directed to a new gate. We all found the new gate, only to discover a third gate had been designated for our plane.
Finally, everyone got on board the right plane, and the flight attendant announced: “We apologize for the gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., you should deplane at this time.”
A moment later a red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. “Sorry,” he said, “wrong plane.”
Just met a dog that only responds to commands in Spanish.
I hope you enjoyed them.
Follow me on Twitter @hardyneil and @hardy_travel