Here is the fifth instalment of travel jokes from Hardy Travel. I can’t take any credit for these as they have mainly been sourced via Twitter.

I hope you enjoy them.

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1. Las Vegas

I phoned up to buy tickets for an Elvis tribute act.

It was an automated phone system which said:

‘Press 1 for the money / 2 for the show’

2. Hotel Reception

Two men in full armour walk into a hotel lobby.

One says, “A room for two knights please”

3. Snow & Skiing

How does a penguin build it’s house?

Igloos it together.

4. Hotel Restaurant
The waiter asked me would you like to hear today’s special?”

“Yes please,” I smiled…

“Today is special,” he replied, then walked off

5. Swimming Pool 

A man climbs the diving board with a fish.

The official says: “What are you doing with that fish?”

The man replies: “Triple somersault with pike.”

6. Hotel Gym

Exercise bikes get you no where

7. Cruise Ship

I’ve been watching documentary about how they build cruise ships

It was riveting.

8. Train Journey

If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade!

9. Holiday Photos

My camera keeps falling off the strap

Its a bit of a loose canon

10. Hotel Garden

Just seen the hotel Gardener crying over his lawnmower

He is just going through a rough patch!

11. Airline

Cabin Crew said to me, sir, would you like to have dinner?

Me: What are the options?

Cabin crew: Yes or no

12. Zoo Visit

What’s a crocodiles favourite game?

Snap.

13. USA

Where do cows go on holiday

They like to go to MOO-YORK

14. Egypt

My partner just asked me, can we go on a camel?”

I said, “No way ..it would take ages to get there on a camel!”

15. USA Burgers

How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend?

Meat Patty